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a slump

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12 July 2010

I haven't written in while and there really is no excuse. The beginning of my summer was so busy that I feel like I've now entered a kind of post sense of apathy. I have a lack of interest for just about everything and overwhelming feelings of dispassion.

As I look back over the past couple of months there have been major changes going on in our family life. At the time I celebrated these changes, however, I'm not sure I was (or that I am now) ready to accept the reality of them.

My son turning 18 and graduating was probably the biggest change. Those two events were within 10 days of each other. He didn't leave home, (he has no transportation to "leave" anywhere) but just the fact that he could is disconcerting to me. I definitely do not like being in the place of my babies leaving the nest. I like the nest just the way it is.

Other events were my 20th anniversary, a trip to Italy (which was awesome but exhausting), a wedding, and preparing my mind for my second son to graduate next year (yes, I have to do this all over again). I think these were and are reminders of my age and getting older. I'm really at a great place in my life. I have four wonderful kids and an amazing husband, but I'm not where I thought I would be at this point. There are a few things I wanted to accomplish that I haven't yet. Several of my plans have not come to fruition. But I do realize that these may have just been that... MY goals, MY plans. I'm still struggling with exactly what God has in mind for me, my family, and my life. I guess the "struggling" part is what I'm struggling with. It's a struggle I'm not enjoying. Truly.

Feelings of apathy are filling up my days leaving me with a sense of indifference. I'm hoping this slump is just a phase. The path beneath my feet seems very uneven and rocky. Either I need to toughen up and appreciate the journey, or I need to get a better pair shoes.

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too long

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18 June 2010

italyOkay, it's been way too long since I've blogged or written anything for that matter. As I stated in a previous note, the month of May was insane for me. Way too busy, but lots of fun and moving experiences.

My husband, Michael, and I left for Italy for two weeks. We then came home, did laundry, repacked and headed to Houston, Texas for my sister-in-law's wedding. I was up for over 26 hours between the flight from Rome till crawling in the bed after reacquainting myself with my children. Really long day and... week. It was a whirlwind packing six people's clothes, shoes, and gifts for a wedding weekend. All that to say... I've had a hard time thinking about what exactly to write. We had so many incredible experiences over the last four weeks that I truly do not know where to begin.

There are some things that I have become absolutely sure about. Here are a few:

  • I love America! I enjoyed the immersion into a new culture (once I got past the language barrier of speaking English and redneck). But for the most part, we have a friendly and well-mannered society compared to what I saw. I missed hamburgers, pointless television shows, and the mall.
  • I really enjoy sharing life with my kids! Don't get me wrong, Michael and I had an amazing time just the two of us, but there were a hundred different places and moments I wished my kids could have experienced, as well. I just really like them, and I love walking through life with them.
  • I have anxiety issues at 30,000 feet in the air. (I knew it but after 11 hours on plane - one way - it was verified.)
  • I can still cry at a wedding for people I love.
  • I need chips and salsa on a regular basis (which Italy did not have).
  • My kids can survive two weeks without us, but they now have to deal with flies hatching in the house because of lack of garbage patrol :)
  • My husband still loves me after two weeks of only me with my moods (even I got on my nerves).
  • I missed my dog.
  • I thrive on a daily routine (with a little spontaneity here and there).
  • Facebook and Skype are lifesavers.
  • God's moving throughout the world, not just in America. And the worldwide stories all intertwine. Major cool!

I could keep writing, but I'll save it for later. I'm so thankful to be in my own home, in my own bed, and able to watch the World Cup with my kids. It was an amazing month filled with celebrations and new adventures, but I'm ready to settle into the summer and what it holds. Celebrations and new adventures may await me right in my own backyard. There's no place like home!

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